MLI Discussion: Where Do I Draw the Line?
It’s been a weird week. I’m on vacation, and yet I feel more stressed than ever. I’ve been challenged to rethink how I run my blog. I should have suspected I’d have to make some decisions about what I do/do not write about.
I’ve chosen to put myself out there; the people in my life have not. Therefore, I’ve respected the privacy of the people in my life. As I mentioned in my post The One, there is a lot more I could say here on MLI. I’ve had a lot of experiences that would make for great content — content that could entertain, inspire and inform. But I elect not to out of respect for the people involved.
I was not always so considerate. A few months ago, I wrote a post that offended someone important to me. Fortunately for me, the approach by which the offended party chose to address the issue was so mature and open-minded that it actually strengthened our relationship. I’ve been much more conscientious of what I post since that day.
But I’ve arrived here. And I have to ask myself: Where do I draw the line? How do I balance chasing my dream, sharing my stories and making my contribution with protecting the readers impacted by my words?
Have you been faced with this dilemma? What’s your philosophy?
This is a good question, Lauren. My friend Keli and I started a blog together, (one we do not keep up very well) and we had a similar situation where we went to the movies with another GREAT friend of ours. We did a review of the movie and the experience. I’m realizing my humor can get me into a lot of trouble. The other friend was having a bad week and some poorly formed jokes really hurt her feelings. I think, had I run the blog post by her beforehand, the entire situation could have been avoided. Maybe if you plan on blogging about someone else in particular, let them read it first. Everything I’ve written about my husband and I, he reads before I put it out there. Change their name if they’d like. Good question.
harleymay
January 31, 2010
Thank you for your input, Harley. I really appreciate it. I actually ran THIS post by someone before posting it. So, I’m catching on…
Lauren
January 31, 2010
I’ve gone in with the approach that I won’t put anything in the blog that I wouldn’t say directly to the person face-to-face. Except for my husband, who has given me explicit permission to write anything about him, good or bad.
That being said, I am particularly careful with people in my life who I know are more sensitive.
Zoey @ Good Goog
February 1, 2010
Zoey – I like that your husband gave you free reign. A brave man, he is!
Good rule of thumb you offer. I try to do the same. I wouldn’t say anything on here that I wouldn’t say to a person’s face either.
It’s when the content offends someone or a reader is exposed to unwanted information that I struggle.
Lauren
February 1, 2010
It’s hard…I choose not to write about many things because of possibly offending people, but I also have not made my blog “public knowledge” to many people in my life. However, just in case they do find it, if I feel inclined to write about a specific incidence I don’t use names. I only use names in cases where that party knows I’m writing it. It’s a fine line that must be drawn individually.
suzicate
February 1, 2010
I think there are multiple good answers for this, several of which are listed below (run it by the person or don’t post anything you wouldn’t say to someone’s face). I also take the future job approach when thinking about content. My future employer might check out my blog to see the type of person I am.
The biggest issue I’ve experienced so far is past girlfriends (this would apply to anyone who is not currently in your life). I don’t think I’ve written anything inflammatory about them, but they don’t want to be mentioned by name at all. So I change their names, or instead of saying “the last girl I dated,” I talk about a girl I dated at some vague point in time. I think adding some vagueness can really help.
Great post–this is definitely something us bloggers need to consider!
jameystegmaier
February 1, 2010
I think you are doing a good job of keeping your integrity. I have been in a similar situation, and it is so easy to trash talk, create drama and controversy while writing. It also seems like that can be one easy way to get a big readership. However, that just wasn’t “me”. People and relationships are more important to me than taking the easy way and exploiting others. I sort of trash talked someone in one of my posts, and then I felt really guilty about it later. I wish I hadn’t done it, even though that post was a very popular one.
While writing, I often remind myself that my friends, family, work people, acquaintances, and even my children may read what I write some day. How would what I write affect them?
Courtney
February 1, 2010
I agree with Suzicate. I keep names out unless I’ve had permission to use them. But like Jamey points out, even without a name, it’s easy (esp. for readers who know you personally) to deduce to whom you’re referring based on context clues. I also abide by the rule that I wouldn’t say anything on here that I wouldn’t say to a person’s face, or even that I wouldn’t want a future — or current — employer to read.
Courtney – Thank you for your encouragement. I am mostly concerned with maintaining integrity in my writing while considering the impact of what I say on those who read it. I’m realizing that, as I try to write this reply, I can’t really even explain what it is that I’m talking about without doing exactly what it is that I’m talking about, so I’m thinking it’s time for me to zip it!
Thank you all for participating in this discussion. All good insights. I think this is a problem that most bloggers face, in one way or another. We should be talking about these things in order to share experiences, advice and support.
Lauren
February 2, 2010
My guideline is not to write anything I’m not prepared to talk about to my teenage children. I also don’t reference people/friends by name. Other than the people who I interview (I get a signed release from them) I do sometimes ask for permission to blog about an incident.
That being said, I think you can’t be overly concerned with what people might think because your writing will come over as missing something. If you write about it from your perspective and how it made you feel, then it is your opinion. I upset a family member several months ago by something I DIDN’T write. I would never have guessed they would interpret what I wrote the way they did. Worse than that, they didn’t even tell me they were upset. Just kept shutting me out until I finally asked what was wrong.
Keep writing!
Mandy
February 4, 2010
Mandy – THIS is exactly what I worry about: “… because your writing will come over as missing something.” Thanks for your encouragement!
Lauren
February 6, 2010
Hi Lauren,
I am so grateful to have found your site! It’s fantastic! Your respect and love for all members of your family is so clear. I have been a stepmom for 10 years and have had very little support from other steps, because I didn’t know many others. I recently created my own “support” and now am finding tons out there. I want to share my illustrated, comicish, blog with others because I feel like it could be helpful and at least entertaining. I write about my trials and triumphs as a stepmom there. You can check it out at
http://theconfessionsofastepmom.wordpress.com/
and please spread the word if you feel it worthy.
Thanks!
Blessings,
leyea
leyea
February 4, 2010
Leyea – I’m glad you like my site and that you shared yours with me. I love your illustrations! What a unique way to blog. I will certainly spread the word.
Lauren
February 6, 2010
I struggle with this… and have had a few blogs in my day. Some public ones where I knew people I knew were reading them.. or could.. and, some where I chose to stay anonymous.
For me.. I like being anonymous… because I feel much more freedom to express myself honestly and talk about things that i’m NOT prepared to discuss with my kids anytime soon, their teachers, my neighbors, my boss, or certain members of my family, etc., should they read it. (and you have to assume, sooner or later, if they can.. they will.. SOMEONE will).
Even being anonymous – there’s always a real chance that “real life” will find it’s way to your blog… so, you still have to be a careful.
One option is to password protect certain posts that you don’t want everyone reading… and only give some the password. Or make certain entries “private” and only for eyes. You can’t get feedback that way, obviously, but sometimes, we just need to vent and write, right? At least I do.
Also, it really depends on what you want to accomplish with your blog. Is is strictly for your own personal venting/therapy/amusement? or are you trying to launch a career in journalism? Makes a big difference in content & how you write it.
Samantha
February 5, 2010
Oh.. I forgot to add on… you can do both! I have my “anonymous” blogs… and then, “real life ones” where i talk about my family, and things that I’m A-OK with everyone and their mother reading…
Samantha
February 5, 2010
Samantha – I actually have considered starting an anonymous blog where I can write about all the stuff that I can’t, here on MLI. But I worry I will get found out, and then imagine how bad that could be! I think I’ll just keep the really juicy stuff for a journal…
Lauren
February 6, 2010