Mars vs. Venus

Mars vs. Venus: Stereotypes and Assumptions

Posted on January 25, 2010. Filed under: Mars vs. Venus |

Today’s Mars vs. Venus post is Part 2 of a two-part series.  Jamey and came up with a list of questions for which we think the answers will vary based on gender.  We first guessed what the other person will answer, and then exchanged our actual answers (much like “The Newlyweds Game”).  After each question, you’ll see what Jamey thought my answer would be in blue, and my actual answer in pink.

On the Topic of Gender Stereotypes:

1.  Assuming no mapping technology (internet, GPS, etc.), what do you do when you get lost?

Call your boyfriend.

Stop and ask directions.


2.  How many times per year do you cry?

I don’t picture Lauren being a big crier. Maybe 10 times a year.

I’m not a big crier.  Maybe three to four times per year.


3.  What is your pet peeve about the opposite gender?

Men who stare at other women in public. (I don’t know. This one was hard. Men do a lot of dumb things.)

Toilet seat left up, facial hair remnants on the sink, lifting a cheek to fart…  I also don’t like men who assume I need their approval, but that’s not a generalization of all men.

True, Jamey.  Very true.


4.  TV on at bedtime or no?

Sure. Either way.

NO THANK YOU!

Well, actually, Jamey’s probably right.  I don’t watch TV in bed, but if my son wants it on, I’m okay with it.


5.  Would you rather receive a sentimental/thoughtful gift, an expensive gift, or a practical gift?

Sentimental/thoughtful.

Tough one.  It’s between sentimental/thoughtful, expensive and practical.


6.  Would you rather have fun or save money?

Have fun.

Have fun.


7.  How many minutes per day do you spend getting ready?

15 hours.

For the weekend day – 25 minutes.

For work – 40 minutes.

To go “out” – 75 minutes.

Wow, Jamey!  Should I be flattered or insulted?  I would hope to look a hell of a lot better if I spent 15 of my 17 waking hours getting ready!


8.  If you lived within 20 minutes of your parents, how often would you visit them?

Once every two weeks.

Once a week at least.  I would go over on Saturdays and stop by for dinner during the week.  I would love to have them near.

Now click over to Jamey’s blog and read what I thought he would answer versus his actual answers for the same questions!

What types of assumptions do you make about women or men? What types of assumptions do people make about you? What are your answers to these questions?


This is the sixth of a series of posts in which I provide my female perspective on selected topics, while fellow blogger, Jamey Stegmaier, provides his male perspective. We link and post before reading what each other wrote. Topics we discuss here are ones that may be better understood or further examined once considering the perspective of each gender. Note that Mars is a single guy, while Venus is in a long-term committed relationship – not that that would impact our opinions or anything…

Select the Mars vs. Venus category in the sidebar drop down to read the other posts in this series – they’re good!

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Mars vs. Venus: Stereotypes and Assumptions

Posted on January 18, 2010. Filed under: Mars vs. Venus | Tags: , |

This is the fifth of a series of posts in which I’ll provide my female perspective on selected topics, while fellow blogger, Jamey Stegmaier, provides his male perspective. We’ll link and post before reading what each other wrote. Topics we will be discussing will be ones that may be better understood or further examined once considering the perspective of each gender. Note that Mars is a single guy, while Venus is in a long-term committed relationship – not that that would impact our opinions or anything…

Today’s Mars vs. Venus post is Part 1 of a two-part series.  Jamey and came up with a list of questions for which we think the answers will vary based on gender.  We first guessed what the other person will answer, and then exchanged our actual answers (much like “The Newlyweds Game”).  After each question, you’ll see what Jamey thought my answer would be in blue, and my actual answer in pink.

On the Topic of Dating and Commitment:

1.   Rank in order of importance (one being most important) for attraction prior to first date:

___3___ Physical attractiveness ___2___

___2___ Sense of humor ___1___

___4___ Intelligence___3___

___5___ Financial standing ___5___

___1___ Appearance (i.e. fashion, hygiene, maintenance, etc.) ___4___

2.  Would you prefer high-maintenance/looks fantastic OR laid back/less “together”?

Laid back/less “together”

Laid back/less “together”

3.  Do you wait for the other person to say “I love you” first, even if you already feel it? – NO

Yes.

No.

4. What constitutes cheating? a. kissing  b. sex  c. anything in-between d. emotional relationship e. flirting/dancing

a. b. c. d. and e.

a. b. c. and d. – I’m not condoning it, and I don’t really want to know about it if it happens, but I do believe there can be truly harmless dancing and flirting.  As long as there is no underlying desire to take it further than that, I wouldn’t call it cheating.  I wouldn’t be thrilled about it, but I wouldn’t break up over it.

5. Is a little jealousy preferred, in order to know your significant other cares?

Yes, a little jealousy is good

No, jealousy is not good.  It is a turn off.

6.  What is the minimum/maximum a couple should date before getting engaged?

Min – 6 months/Max – 3 years

Min – 1 year/Max – none

7. How long should an engagement be?

About a year – enough time to plan the perfect wedding.

Jamey couldn’t be more wrong on this one!  0-24 months, enough time to save up for a trip to Hawaii.  Weddings are soooooooooo overrated!  (Sorry Mom and Dad, about the $30,000 dollars.)

8.  Once in a committed relationship, should you maintain friendships with the opposite sex?

Maybe, but you have the right to veto any of them.

Yes, definitely.  You are who you were before I met you, and you come with your whole life, friends included.

a.  Should you start new friendships with the opposite sex?

Maybe, but you’re going to be wary of them.

This is a tough-y (which I guess means Jamey is correct).  Yes, with the caveat that the friendship is based on mutual friends or interests and not because this new person has become a confidant, or sounding board for your intimate thoughts and emotions.

9.  How often should your significant other go out for the night with friends?

Once a week at most.

As often as he wants.  He should have the freedom to enjoy his life and his friends, as I expect the same in return.  If he wants to be with me, he’ll show it and I’ll know it.

10.  When living together, but before married, should a couple share expenses or keep them separate?

Share expenses, but the man should pay for more.

Separate.

11.  After a break up, is it better to cut all ties or stay in touch?

Most women, cut all ties.  For Lauren, stay in touch.

Cut ties.  Move on.  Unless, of course, you have children together.

Now click over to Jamey’s blog and read what I thought he would answer versus his actual answers for the same questions!

Select the Mars vs. Venus category in the sidebar drop down to read the other posts in this series – they’re good!

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Mars vs. Venus: The Friend Zone – What Are We Doing Here?

Posted on January 4, 2010. Filed under: Mars vs. Venus | Tags: , , |

“I respect you too much to fool around with you.”

“I feel like I can talk to you about anything!”

“I don’t want to spoil what we have by sleeping together.”

Face it – you’re in “The Friend Zone.”  Good luck correcting course now, buddy.

You know The Friend Zone, right?  Ross was there. “BUT HE GOT OUT!” you say?  Well, that’s NBC for ya.  Do you really think Rachel Green would date paleontologist, Ross Geller, in real life.  C’MON!

According to Wikipedia, “The Friend Zone” is a popular psychology concept referring to the situation where a female has begun to view a male as a friend only, and not a potential suitor — a psychological classification supposedly exceptionally difficult to undo.

And I agree.  Seriously, guys – don’t get in this zone if what you really want is to a. be in a romantic relationship with the woman in question or b. get in her pants. Newsflash: we are wired soooo differently than you.  Woman want to believe that we can have a platonic relationship with a man.  We like to think that not every man who shows an interest in what we have to say is trying to score.  We pretend we don’t see you staring at our boobs.  It’s just how we are.  So if you are looking for the aforementioned “a” or “b,” don’t feed our friendship fantasy.

I’d bet that some men end up in this zone thinking that getting to know each other before starting the romance (or seduction) is a great way to get us interested.  Wrong!  If a woman is attracted to a man, or interested in “a” or “b,” she might want to get to know you first, but over a nice dinner date or snuggled up on the sofa in front of the fire with a glass of red wine.  She does not want to bang her best friend.

So if you find yourself in The Friend Zone and you want out, what do you do?  Pray.  I really don’t know of many real-life Ross and Rachels.  Women have men they consider platonic friends and men they date.  The mere definition of platonic renders you out of the sexual picture.

My advice to you: get it out there.  If you are interested in a woman, ask her out.  If she’s interested in you, she’ll go and you’ll both be on the same page as far as intentions are concerned.  If she’s not interested, she’ll decline and you can spare yourself the agony of The Friend Zone.


I should make the disclaimer here (before I get the comments calling me out on it) that I realize a “date” means something different for every woman.  Please allow me some literary flexibility…

Disclaimer #2: I’m well aware that the gender roles could be reversed in “The Friend Zone.”  However, I’ve been witness and party to Friend Zone situations in which the man is the one who is seeking more than friendship.


What are your thoughts and experiences relating to “The Friend Zone?”

Now that you’ve read my take on “The Friend Zone,” click over to Jamey’s blog and see what Mars has to say about it…

Other Mars vs. Venus post on MLI:

Mars Meets Venus: When Worlds Collide

Mars vs. Venus: What Women Want… Rather, What I Want

Mars vs. Venus: What Does Tiger Woods Owe the Public?

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Mars Meets Venus: When Worlds Collide

Posted on December 20, 2009. Filed under: Mars vs. Venus | Tags: , , , |

This is the third of a series of posts in which I’ll provide my female perspective on selected topics, while fellow blogger, Jamey Stegmaier, provides his male perspective. We’ll link and post before reading what each other wrote.  Topics we will be discussing will be ones that may be better understood or further examined once considering the perspective of each gender. Note that Mars is a single guy, while Venus is in a long-term committed relationship – not that that would impact our opinions or anything…

Here in the U.S., PlentyofFish and Match.com have the market cornered.  Online dating sites have become the most popular way for singles to meet each other over the past decade.  Approximately 20 million people are active on these sites every month.  While I have never sought love online, I’m sure the process goes something like this:  you decide you’re ready to be someone’s other half, you’re tired of the same ol’ scene, you know of friends who have done it — maybe even been successful — so you register for an account.  You stress over what photo to use; you want one where you look great, but not so great that you set your potential mate up for disappointment.  You try to summarize yourself in a way that will sound intriguing to the type of person you are trying to attract.  You browse the merchandise and wait for the inquiries to start rolling in. 

If I were on the hunt, this may be a viable option for meeting a mate — if it weren’t for one thing.  The whole meeting the mate part.  The idea of getting to know someone online, and developing a romantic relationship before ever meeting them in person would scare the bejesus out of me!  Online, we have the opportunity to craft our words.  To think about the impression we are making.  To backspace.  So when an online relationship crosses the line into real life, there is the potential that the connection will be lost in the conversion.  That’s the kind of build-up that would make me too nervous to enjoy myself (absent some liquid courage – which would probably make the wrong impression).  Therefore, I doubt that online dating would ever be an option for me.

But little did I know that I would be embarking upon a similar experience when starting My Life, Incomplete. 

A little background for those of you who haven’t been reading since inception:  I started this blog in September 2009 and in early October, I stumbled across Jamey Stegmaier’s blog in a tag surf.  We started by commenting on each other’s blogs, as we had an appreciation for each other’s writing and humor.  But from there, an online friendship developed.  We’ve exchanged stories, advice, laughs and support.  We started the Mars vs. Venus series.  I never imagined that we’d meet in person. 

This weekend, my boyfriend, Doug, and I went to St. Louis for a get-away weekend.  We’ve frequented this beautiful city throughout our relationship, and have made it a tradition to spend my birthday weekend there.  Jamey and I made arrangements in advance for the three of us to meet up for a drink on Saturday.  I wasn’t exactly nervous, but not knowing what to expect created a little pre-meet jitters.  I joked to Jamey in email, “what if we’re totally awkward with each other when we meet?  What if we connect here online, but in person you’re a tool?”  His response: “It could happen.  A tool doesn’t know he’s a tool, does he?” 

Turns out, he isn’t a tool at all.  We met at a quiet little bar with about eight bar stools (Jamey’s recommendation).  Doug and I arrived first.  For a second, we thought we might be in the wrong place.  It was us and the bartender.  Then Jamey walked through the door.  Looking just like his signature red-background picture (you know the one). 

Walking from the car to the door, I said to Doug “what do I do when we meet?  I mean, what’s the acceptable and expected greeting?  Do I shake his hand?”  Doug said, “you’ll hug him.”  I didn’t.  He walked in and extended his hand, first to Doug, then to me.  We ordered our drinks and headed downstairs.  Ahhh…  there’s a downstairs!  Very cool wine-cellar-meets-dark-lounge ambiance.  We chatted for nearly three hours. 

Jamey was pretty much exactly what I expected — put together, friendly, a great conversationalist and a perfect gentleman.  Aside from being a blubbering idiot, I’m pretty sure I was what Jamey expected as well.  If you recall, I mentioned I would need a little liquid courage in a situation such as this.  So I had a few beers.  Four, to be specific.  And halfway through number three, I had a lot of liquid courage.  I was all over the board, conversationally.   But I was myself. 

I think the big take-away here, if there has to be one, is that blogging is likely a better foundation for building online relationships than dating sites.  I didn’t choose my picture based on any pretense of meeting someone.  While I do craft my writing to be what I consider a good representation of my writing skills — I’m not doing it to shape someone’s opinion of who I am as a person.  And I believe the same is true for other bloggers, Jamey included.  So when we met, we got what we expected.  The same person we got to know online. 

Or so I think.  Let’s find out if Jamey agrees…

Related posts on MLI:

Here’s where it began…

Mars vs. Venus: What Does Tiger Woods Owe the Public?

Mars vs. Venus: What Women Want… Rather, What I Want

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Mars vs. Venus: What Women Want… Rather, What I Want

Posted on December 14, 2009. Filed under: Mars vs. Venus | Tags: , , , |

This is the second of a series of posts in which I’ll provide my female perspective on selected topics, while fellow blogger, Jamey Stegmaier, provides his male perspective. We’ll link and post before reading what each other wrote.  Topics we will be discussing will be ones that may be better understood or further examined once considering the perspective of each gender. Note that Mars is a single guy, while Venus is in a long-term committed relationship – not that that would impact our opinions or anything…

Tonight I post with the caveat that Jamey and I did not collaborate well on this one.  And by this I mean, he wrote a great blog post last week that would have been a perfect Mars vs. Venus post without discussing it with me and then called me to task in the last paragraph. No pressure, though.  Thanks, Jamey.  😉 So I have already read his post on this topic, though it really won’t have any impact on mine.  On December 9th, Jamey posted his answers to the questions below – but for men, of course.  Here, I will answer for women – or myself, anyway.

what do you find most attractive in a man? non-physical: confidence in the absence of arrogance, funny (not just a good sense of humor), spontaneity, compassion/concern for others, initiative, a natural connection with children.  Also, he should have his own interests and his own friends and support my interests and my friendships in return.  physical: strong shoulders that are evident in a t-shirt, great athletic legs, dark body hair (I know, weird), and full lips.  A great ass doesn’t hurt anything either!  Oh, and this is not a general trait, but something that I LOVE in the summer or on/after vacation:  tan bare feet sticking out of jeans.
what is a turn off? arrogance, laziness (I was going to say tv junkie and couch potato too, but I think they fit into the laziness category), poor hygiene, poor conversational skills, and the opposite of all of the above non-physical turn ons.
what would your ideal man look or act like? my ideal man would look and act like my boyfriend: salt & pepper hair, eyes that light up at the sight of me and children, strong shoulders that are evident in a t-shirt, great athletic legs, dark body hair (sorry, Doug) and full lips — and a great ass!  He is funny, kind, considerate, conversational, supportive, spontaneous, loves to do new and fun things, chivalrous, and hard-working.  And he loves to laugh.  Oh, and rock out to great music.  And drink a little (sorry, it’s true).
when you go on date, who do you think should pay? I’m pretty traditional on this one.  I think the man should pay on the first few dates.  Although we’ve come a long way, women still like to feel wooed and taken care of, and men still like to feel needed.  I think that accepting these things and following the dating rules implied makes for a romantic start to a potential relationship.  Once relationship status has been achieved, who “should” pay is up to that couple.  My boyfriend and I change it up.  He pays most of the time, but I try to pay on occasion to show appreciation and carry my weight.  Whether a couple goes dutch or sticks with the man-always-pays approach depends on the couple.  
what do women like from men? I believe women, in general, want to know that they are thought of throughout the day/week.  When we are not with our man, we like to know that we are on his mind.  I’m not talking about clingy-need-to-talk-ten-times-a-day crap here.  I just mean a nice unexpected text, call or email, or flowers sent to work on a RANDOM day, or crossing something off our to-do list unexpectedly.  Also, show that you are interested in me when we spend time together, and I will show you that I am interested in you when we spend time together in the bedroom (or on the sofa, or in the dining room).  It’s all connected.  Don’t be a douche all day and then expect that I’m going to want to get it on later.
do women like to be in charge or do you like it when men are in charge of things? we often hear about how the woman is the boss, but I find it incredibly attractive when a man takes the reigns.  I’m not talking in a controlling fashion.  My best friend said it best once (and she was referring to her dad): you can be in control of a situation without controlling the people involved.  I want that characteristic in a man.
what should men never do? I hope you’re not eating…  a man (or anyone, for that matter) should not peel his toenail and then use it as a toothpick.  Nor should he scratch me with it.  Don’t pinch to be funny or cute – it’s not.  We hate it.  Never tell me who I can talk to, what I can do, where I can go.  FOR-GET-IT!
what should a man always do? if you are in a relationship with me, you should always know that I am in it by choice — meaning that I am not in a relationship out of pity, stagnation or obligation.  I’m in it because I want to be with you.  So check your insecurities at the door and let’s just be on the level.  Also, always have cabernet at your house for me.  ALWAYS!  Oh, and pretend you are as excited as I am about whatever it is that I just bought and can’t wait to show you.
who are men you respect/admire and why? this is so cliche, but I respect/admire my dad because he is an amazing caretaker and a hard worker.  I respect/admire my ex-husband for handling our divorce and the aftermath with such grace and for being a great dad to our son.  I respect/admire my boyfriend for being steadfast in his love for his boys regardless of the divorce drama that he endures.  I respect and admire Tiger Woods for — naaaahhhh, just kidding!
do women like natural men or made-up/artificial? NATURAL.  I am not very attracted to the metro-sexual look.  I don’t care for excessive hair product, cologne, bling, etc.  Same goes for excessive muscles.  I want a MAN — scruffy on the weekends, in desperate need of a pedicure but doesn’t get one, a little dirt under his finger nails, a little paint on his baseball cap – MAN.
what makes women happy or feel appreciated? see above re: what do women like from men?  Plus, tell us you think we look beautiful.  And engage with us when we’re talking to you.
when you are looking for a boyfriend/husband/mate, what are the deal breakers? if I answer this in full, I’ll just be repeating myself.  But what hasn’t been mentioned thus far is that I want a man who has a kid/kids of his own and does not want anymore.  Not having his own kids wouldn’t necessarily be a deal breaker, but wanting more would be.  And my mate must be self-sufficient.  It’s nice to have each other to share the load, but if you’re not capable of carrying it on your own, I’m not interested.  I already have a child.
what makes women feel devalued? when our efforts go unnoticed or we feel taken for granted.  I think women, in general, tend to be more needy of recognition than men.  I think a man can mow the lawn and come in and sit down, crack a beer and never think of it again.  A woman will stew all day: “when is he going to acknowledge that I mowed the lawn!?”
what is something all men could do that would make the world a better place? the grocery shopping.
should a man depend on a woman or be independent? see above answer to “deal breakers.”  Independent.
do women like men with long or short hair? don’t think I can answer for all women, for this is a matter of personal taste.  But for me: Short.

How would YOU answer these questions? 

 

 

Head over to Mars to read Jamey’s “What I Want” post:

 What Men Want… Rather, What I Want.

Other Mars vs. Venus posts on MLI:

Mars vs. Venus: What Does Tiger Woods Owe the Public?


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